Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
