Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
