My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
