dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
