So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
