My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
