Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
