I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Congratulations! We have a period
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