in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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