im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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