We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
