these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
