Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
