this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
