Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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