I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
