I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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