i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she peed on how many people?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
