using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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