I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
