dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
