You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
