conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
