I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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