I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
