Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
