This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
