This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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