Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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