i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
