now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
