oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
