The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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