FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
