There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
