FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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