I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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