You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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