guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
