he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
