maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
