who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
