I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
