The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
