The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
