I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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