I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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