I swear she didn't look like that last week.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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