Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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