I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
