Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
