...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
