dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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