If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
