My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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